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Plus Size Fashion

SOMEBUNNY LOVES YOU.

by Lina Clémence
written by Lina Clémence


No matter how hard it gets, no matter how alone or isolated I may feel; alone on an island with the weight of all these problems, to-do lists, pain, and flare-ups…somebody (or rather somebunny) loves me. And I’m certain that the same applies to y’all. Sometimes it may not feel that way or seem that way, but some one does. Love isn’t always enough but it lessens the blow of the worlds cruelty. Even when you’re on your last limb, everything is failing, the world is crumbling a round you; worst yet, a dumpster-fire, there IS someone. Someone who cares. And if you feel like there isn’t, chances are it’s because you counted yourself out. The love starts there. If you love you that “somebunny” will always exist. Everyone else is the icing on the cake; the Sazon in that arroz con gandules.

And that love has to be unconditional. You don’t always have to like yourself, no one is perfect, we all make mistakes, and you STILL have to love yourself through it all.

I’ve loved myself for as long as I can remember, no matter who tried to tear me down and make sure I hated myself….it just never stuck. And when I tell you I was smothered in reasons to hate myself through the world’s gaze….I do mean smothered.

My mother defended her melanated baby against racist Hispanic family members who all but called me the N-Word (often) and for sure used the word loosely when my mother and I were not around. I was singled out and called an ape by my 4th grade teacher, she would have me sit in the middle of a circle of my classmates and tell them to throw things at me (I was 9 and it was my first experience with racism at this level, and I didn’t fully understand the gravity or what she was doing). Any time someone from class spoke to me or tried to be friends with me she would tell them to stop talking to me because I was a trouble maker, that people like me always were, and that I didn’t deserve kindness. She would grab my arm hard and yank me around, tell me how worthless I was, scold me for nothing, use sentences that started with “You people”, and force me to sit in the back corner.

One day she ripped up a drawing of mine in front of the class and that was definitely something I could understand; it made me cry. I was deeply hurt by my art being destroyed. I finally, after several months of racially motivated torment, told my mom and cousin what my teacher did. Needless to say it did not go well. You see….my mom is crazy and my cousin is crazier. Then they told my father and He is just as cookoo for the cocoa puffs. And as cray as my family (as I reflect, it makes sense as to why I’m as hot headed as I am….it runs deep in my lineage), they managed to keep their cool long enough to call for a sit down with the teacher and principal. To make a long story short, my father sat as calm as can be with balled up fist (trying not to feed into the angry black man stereotype), while my mom gave this bitch ass racist teacher a piece of her mind. My cousin sat quietly as my teacher tried to explain herself with, get this, a fucking attitude as she tried her hardest not to let the racism slip out her mouth. My cousin did her best impersonation of a civilized person….but ended up not being able to hold her tongue for long. Next thing you know she’s lunging across the tables cursing and screaming up a storm. More happened that night but my mom never fully elaborated outside of what I just told y’all. I was transferred to another class and within a week, that racist sack of human trash was fired. Turns out all of the student corroborated my story and they felt bad and uncomfortable watching how this adult treat me on the daily. They felt helpless. And from then on it’s been a battle I could no longer ignore or be oblivious to. I now knew that I was different different.

I have a long list of stories enduring racist and prejudice (let me know if you wanna here them), but the self hate parade and brigade didn’t stop there. My mom, without intending to be a shitty parent, would always try and change my appearance and outwardly tell me how she wanted me to look; thinner, blonde, etc…

***TRIGGER WARNING***

My father abandoned his duties to me from the age of four, but every time he popped up or dropped a line, he spent his time criticizing my style, my race (because as far as I know he doesn’t care to much for Hispanics…much less Puerto Ricans), and the way I looked. He would vent about my mother and call her a dyke and truck driver, tear her down for what he deemed a lack of “femininity” and warned me to not turn into her. He would talk about my body every chance he got; told me that no one would ever be attracted to or love a fat woman. He often called Hispanic women sluts and Hispanic men were lazy….as though I’m not partially Hispanic myself. So according to my mother, I wasn’t skinny enough, my hair wasn’t blonde, and she didn’t like my style. According to my father, I was lazy and a slut due to me being part Hispanic (Puerto Rican specifically), I was too fat over all but more specifically I was too fat to be attractive to him and to anyone; I’d never find love because of it. Plus he felt like I should know my place and role as a woman.

By the time I was six I had been sexually assaulted, by the time I was thirteen….sexually assaulted some more. I was bullied all through junior high and had been betrayed by every “friend” I’d ever had. By the time I turned sixteen I’d been hit by my boyfriend; two more times after that and by then I was finally fighting back and almost killed him. All the while dealing with the typical growing pains and a side of continual racism everywhere I went; like I said there’s a long list. I also have a lil list of all the trauma and bullshit I’ve endure throughout my entire life. And now, now I’m disabled. There’s a lot to be angry for, a lot to be resentful about, a shit ton of reasons to internalize the hatred I’ve come toe to toe with my entire life. But through it all my love for myself never faltered, not once.

Sure there were things I didn’t like sometimes, sure I was insecure a time or two (I don’t think I’d be human if I hadn’t been, and sometimes still am), but my love for self always stayed true. I don’t know if it’s because I just knew I was amazing, or if early on I felt the disappointment and lack of protection from those who were supposed to protect, love, and respect me, that I ended up being my own best friend, my own cheerleader, my own support system from jump. Maybe it’s all of the above. But because of it I was able to see first hand why it was and IS so God damn important to start with you. Because no matter what, that’s the one you should be able to rely the most, and it is completely in your control.

So that’s what I’ve done. I’ve loved myself with reckless abandon; unconditionally, feverishly, and unapologetically. Yes somebody can love you, and that’s FUCKING AWESOME, but nothing compares to the love of self, and that special intimate bond you foster through out your time on this dumpster-fire planet… with these garbage humans. Don’t get me wrong, there are incredible people roaming this existence just waiting to be welcomed additions to your family, but never forget, it’s you and your relationship with you that comes first and trumps it all. And before anyone misinterprets what I’m saying, by no means am I talking about being an asshole or selfish, these are different concepts altogether.

In any event, like my outfit? Cool, me too. I just had to bring in some Spring vibes into this fall, cuz I doooozzzz that sometimes. The dress is long-sleeved (so you can keep toasty in these increasingly crisp’ning weather. The jacket isn’t exactly lightweight even though it has a decent amount of distressing. The sneakers take the quintessential white-sneak up a notch with it’s ever so amazing flat-top studs. And, lastly the pink beret that kindly reminds us all that “somebunny” loves you, while cheekily and simultaneously reminds us that on the flip side “somebunny‘‘ hates you too (didn’t get the chance to show the back of the beret where it says exactly that. A reminder that there’s always a second side of the coin….and that the in-between spaces of that coin is the grey area we all often reside in.

Hold strong my loves, somebody loves you, start with you, but if you’re still learning, that’s ok; I have some spare love to share. You can have some as a placeholder as you’re on your journey.

What I’m Wearing:

  1. Hat from an local shop. $10 (Old) Alternative HERE

  2. Jacket from Rainbow. $16.99 (Old) Alternative HERE & HERE

  3. Dress from CowCow.com. $ (USE CODE NAUGHTCOUTURE FOR 20% OFF) Alternative HERE

  4. Sneakers from Telco. $5 (Old) Alternative HERE


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Canadian Beauty

Mom Loves Makeup: Yehwadam Revitalizing Moisture

by Lina Clémence
written by Lina Clémence


I’ve spent the majority of my summer avoiding makeup. It’s been too hot, too humid and I just haven’t felt inspired to wear makeup that will quite literally melt off of my face. In the absence of makeup, skincare has become my best friend. I’ve always been into skincare, but I’ve never become obsessed with it. Until now. When I’m not out and about with the kids, I’m researching new ways to better my skin. In my quest to find the latest and greatest, I stumbled upon premium skincare brand Yehwadam.

The people at The Faceshop were kind enough to gift me the brand new Yehwadam sub-line; Yehwadam Revitalizing Moisture. This new line is formulated for those with combination to oily skin and promises intense moisture without a sticky, heavy or greasy feel. Although my skin type is typically dehydrated and dry, the summer has my skin all f’d up. I’m currently somewhere between normal/dehydrated/combo. The joy!

“Yehwadam is an anti-aging skincare line that brings traditional Korean herbs, ginseng and flowers into modern anti-aging. Yehwadam products are made with natural Korean ingredients processed by traditional methods passed down from one generation to another.” 

Yehwadam Revitalizing Moisture Fluid ($40, 150 ml) is a water based product that combines toner and lotion into a single step. It’s formulated with Fresh Water Flower which contains 5 types of traditional herbal ingredients including Korean Ginsing, Safflower and Goji Berries.

I’m all about simplifying my routine, so I’m happy that this product can eliminate a step for me. I apply it after my serum and I find it absorbs very quickly – within a minute or so. It has a light scent and a non-sticky texture. What I like most about this lotion is that it feels very hydrating but without any sort of residual greasiness, heaviness or stickiness. My skin feels quenched and what I can only assume one would call ‘normal’. I really feel like this is the perfect summer moisturizer for me. I’m not so sure it will cut it come fall, but for now it works amazingly well. If you have combo or oily skin, you will love this! Oh, and it comes with a pump and the bottle is huge. The value of this product is great – you get much more product, for less money than most.

Yehwadam Revitalizing Moisturizing Cream ($55, 50 ml) is a lightweight gel-cream that claims to hydrate the skin without leaving it sticky. It’s formulated with oriental herbal ingredients grown in Korea. Peony, Lotus, Safflower, Chrysanthemum, Honeysuckle, Ginsing and Goji Berry to name a few!

Yehwadam Revitalizing Moisturizing Cream is light but more substantial than their Moisture Fluid. It applies like a gel but feels hydrating like a cream. I found it to absorb a lot slower and not entirely. I can still feel it on my face hours after applying it and it does feel slightly tacky for the first little while. I don’t love it for summer days, unless I’ve been in the pool and my skin is parched, then it’s great! I’m putting this one on the back burner for now, hoping to revisit it once the temperature starts to drop.

Yehwadam Revitalizing Moisturizing Sleeping Pack ($35, 100 ml) restores moisture to skin overnight leaving it looking refreshed the next morning. It contains the same ingredients as the other two products in this range; Peony, Lotus, Safflower, Chrysanthemum, Honeysuckle, Ginsing and Goji Berry.

I really, really like this sleeping pack. I think I may even like this as much as Shiseido’s Ibuki Sleeping Mask. It goes on slightly sticky (like virtually all sleeping masks/packs) but unlike a lot of others, that feeling goes away fast. It feels crazy hydrating, I don’t stick to my pillow and I wake up looking amazing. Can’t beat the price either, it’s a total win-win!

This was my first venture into Yehwadam and I’m very happy so far. Two out of the three products I would purchase with my own money (Revitalizing Moisture Fluid & Revitalizing Moisturizing Sleeping Pack) and I’m certainly interested in trying more from the brand. If you’ve used any products from Yehwadam, I would love to hear your thoughts on them!
Till next time beauties ✌

*PR samples were generously provided for editorial consideration. As always, all opionions are my own.


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Canadian Beauty

What is Toxic Positivity? • Girl Loves Gloss

by Lina Clémence
written by Lina Clémence


Is there such a thing as too much, forced or even “toxic” positivity?

I’d reckon that many would automatically answer that positivity is always a good thing, but I would beg to differ.

We’re in a world where we’re trying to be more mindful of others (if you’re not, you might be part of the problem, just sayin’). Of course, having a sunny outlook on life is deemed an endearing personality trait, but what if that very thing makes you dismissive of others struggles?

Is too much positivity a bad thing?

I came across the term “toxic positivity” the other day, and it really resonated with me. I’ve always considered myself a “realist” – which some who are impossibly positive might refer to as being negative.

I’ve always found those who are positive just for the sake of not being negative hard to relate to; It can seem not only phoney but actually really invalidate genuine concerns.

Now, I’m not one to automatically toss out the term “toxic’ on things because I find it incredibly overused. But I do believe there is dismissive positivity, and toxic traits can lead to it.

I’ve done a little breakdown of dismissive positivity, as well as ways to respond to someone who might come at you with it. Keep reading, and let me know how you’ve found dealing with people who are unobtainable optimistic.

What is Toxic Positivity?

According to Psychology Today, “the phrase “toxic positivity” refers to the concept that keeping positive, and keeping positive only, is the right way to live your life. It means only focusing on positive things and rejecting anything that may trigger negative emotions.”

HOW CAN I TELL IF ITS TOXIC POSITIVITY?

I have a friend who only ever responds to hard situations with comments like, “well just be positive!” and “there are people out there struggling so much worse”. She thinks she’s forcing my hand in feeling positive, and it couldn’t be farther from the truth.

In actuality, using language like this is dismissive of someone’s struggles, challenges and emotions. It’s empty and meaningless, dismissive positivity, dare I say.

Similarly, when you don’t pay attention to feelings unless they are purely positive, it gives off the impression that you are unapproachable and unrelatable.

The difference between toxic positivity vs hope and validation

I’ve found this type of dismissive positivity is really strong in the motherhood space; As mothers, we are often expected to justify our feelings for fear of someone thinking we don’t count our blessings.

A new mother might be having a particularly rough go with postpartum depression and hearing something like, “But appreciate what a beautiful baby you have!” after trusting someone with her feelings could be incredibly hurtful and possibly damaging.

“Youth does not equal happiness. We know this about money, success and fame, but why do we expect our youth to automatically be happy/grateful/positive?”

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This is also something I find common in the Baby Boomer generation and older, towards young people, as well. The whole, “Young people you should happy how good you have it!” is such an unproductive response. Youth does not equal happiness. We know this about money, success and fame, but why do we expect our youth to automatically be happy/grateful/positive?

“As mothers, we are often expected to justify our feelings for fear of someone thinking we don’t count our blessings”

What is toxic positivity and how does it negatively affect your mental health?
WHY IS IT CONSIDERED TOXIC POSITIVITY?

Society has led us to believe that the only “right” way to live, is positive.

It’s ok to feel negative about something, and spoiler alert: That doesn’t make you a negative person!

It’s 2020 and that means we can’t just chalk people up to being overly sensitive, negative, dramatic or annoying, purely because they aren’t positive, don’t ya think? Humans are pretty complex creatures and just as we don’t live in black and white, we also don’t feel that way.

There isn’t just good or bad in this world, and there also isn’t just negative and positive.

Only ever looking for the bright side or silver lining may temporarily seem like a positive way to move forward… but what if we switched out “positive” for “validation” or “hope”? Paying attention to the emotions and circumstances of yourself and others in a productive way may actually be the most positive management of feelings going forward for the future.

So the next time someone says they’re having a really hard time in life, or responds to something in a way that expresses a negative emotion: Validate them, and give them hope. 

Let me know if you’ve experienced toxic or dismissive positivity in your life, either from someone else or if it’s something you find yourself doing.

Do you find yourself automatically wanting to respond to someone with an empty positive term?




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